You're Not Too Much. You're Exhausted From Relationships That Keep Hurting You
You've done the reading. You've done the self-work. But the same patterns keep showing up — the anxiety, the shutting down, the push and pull. You're not broken. Your nervous system is still running on an old program. And that can change.
Attachment-Based Relationship Coaching
Private Virtual Sessions Across U.S. & Canada
Trusted Provider & Verified by Good Therapy
If This Sounds Familiar, You're in the Right Place.
You overthink texts, silences, and tone shifts — and you hate that you do it.
You keep attracting emotionally unavailable people, even when you know better.
You shut down or spiral when conflict gets close.
You've tried therapy before, but nothing really shifted.
Midlife has made your emotional reactions feel louder and harder to manage.
You're tired of cycling through the same relationship patterns.
You do not have to stay stuck in this cycle.
Your attachment system learned how to survive when you were very young. It did its job.
But now it's applying old rules to a life that has moved on, and the patterns that protected you then are costing you now.
The good news: the nervous system is not fixed. It can learn something new. That is exactly what this work is for.
This Is Not Just Talk Therapy.
Many people come to me after years of insight without change. They know their attachment style. They understand their childhood. They have read every book. And they still cannot stop reacting.
That is because attachment wounds do not live in your thoughts. They live in your body and your nervous system. Insight alone does not shift them. Skilled, attuned, structured support does.
My approach brings together attachment theory, trauma-informed care, and nervous system regulation. Where relevant, I also integrate midlife and hormonal awareness, because perimenopause and menopause amplify emotional reactivity in ways that deserve to be taken seriously, not dismissed.
We work on what is actually driving the patterns, not just what you can name about them.
Your Attachment Style Shapes Everything in Your Relationships.
Secure
You generally feel comfortable with closeness and can communicate your needs. You give others the benefit of the doubt. Relationships feel like a source of support, not a source of stress.
Anxious Preoccupied
Relationships make you feel anxious because there is a quiet but constant fear of being abandoned. You seek reassurance. You notice distance before it is even there. You are highly attuned to shifts in connection.
Dismissive Avoidant
Emotional intensity feels overwhelming, so you pull back. You value independence. You can go quiet during conflict. Deep down you want connection, but getting close feels like losing yourself.
Fearful Avoidant
You want closeness and also fear it. You move between being open and shutting down. Relationships feel chaotic because the same person who feels safe can suddenly feel like a threat.
Not sure which one fits? Take the free quiz and find out.
You're in Safe and Skilled Hands.
This is not general wellness support. It is specific, structured therapy from a practitioner trained in the reality of attachment trauma. You are not getting a coach with a framework. You are getting a certified specialist who understands exactly what is keeping you stuck — and how to move through it.
Certified Relationship and Attachment Trauma Practitioner
Certified Menopause Specialist
Trauma-informed and nervous system focused
Verified by Good Therapy
What Clients Often Worry About
"What if therapy isn't right for me?"
That is exactly why we start with a free 15-minute connection call. No paperwork. No commitment. Just a conversation to clarify what you are dealing with and whether this is the right fit.
"I've tried therapy before and all we did was talk."
This is not that. We work with how your body learned to survive in relationships, not just what you can articulate about it.
"I don't even know where to start."
Start with the quiz. It takes five minutes and gives you a clear picture of your attachment pattern and what it means for your relationships.
MEET THE FOUNDER & CEO
What Changes When This Work Actually Lands.
My name is Bev Mitelman. I am a Certified Relationship and Attachment Trauma Practitioner, a Certified Menopause Specialist, and the founder of Securely Loved.
I work with individuals and couples navigating relationship distress. Most of my clients are in their 40s and 50s. Many have done significant personal work already and cannot understand why the same patterns keep returning.
I understand that frustration. I also understand what actually shifts it.
My sessions are online, private, and available across the US and Canada.
Relationship and Attachment Trauma Practitioners
Every practitioner at Securely Loved is trained in attachment-based, trauma-informed care. Sessions are specific and structured — focused on the patterns underneath the distress, not just the symptoms on the surface.
Attachment-trained and trauma-informed
Individual and couples sessions available
Online, private, across the US and Canada
Bev Mitelman
M.A.
Founder of Securely Loved
Individual counseling, couples therapy, menopause and relationships.
Jess Phillips
M.A., CCPA, CCF
Individual and couples attachment counseling.
Al Gord
B.Ed., B.Sc.,OCT
Individual and couples attachment counseling.
Working Together With
Our Courses
By Bev Mitelman
Master Communication Skills Based on Attachment Styles!
(23 ratings) | 886 students
Understand attachment style and improve your communication skills and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
By Bev Mitelman
Break Free From Heartbreak Using Attachment Therory!
(7 ratings) | 40 students
Discover why we get attached and how a growth mindset can free you from heartbreak and towards secure attachment!
Ready to Understand What Is Actually Driving Your Relationship Patterns?
The free Attachment Style Quiz is the first step. It takes five minutes. Your results will explain your pattern, how it shows up, and what support would actually help.
The website is owned by Securely Loved and its founder Bev Mitelman, M.A. By viewing this website or anything made available on or through this website, including but not limited to programs, services, e-books, videos, webinars, blog posts, e-newsletters, consultations, e-mails, social media and/or other communication (collectively referred to as “website”), you are agreeing to accept these disclaimers: (1)The information provided in or through this website is for educational and informational purposes only and solely as a self-help tool for your own use. (2)This website is not intended to provide mental health treatment and does not constitute a client relationship, which will only be established after an initial consultation and signed consent. Securely Loved reserves the right to change services, hours of operation, and pricing without notice.
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